You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
