Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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