dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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