I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's get the cat blown out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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