Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
