you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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