i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drake has all the answers
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
