i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
