I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
