I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
