I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
