he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
