Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
