I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
