My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
