A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
