based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she smelled like a LAN party
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
