Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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