That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
