ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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