I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
