I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
