Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
