this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
