She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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