If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
