john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
