My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
