I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
