I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
