Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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