That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
