Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and she was petting her beer can
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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