ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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