if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
