I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Will exercising make me less horny?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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