If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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