Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
