i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
