the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
