I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
