If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
