it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
