It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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