my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
