I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The power of my boobs compel you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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