hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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