yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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