Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
