she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
