..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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