So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
