I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
